


Miraculous: Tales of SpanDex

by shadowfaerieammy



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Derek "Nursey" Nurse is Unchill, Identity Reveal, M/M, Miraculous Ladybug AU, Nonbinary Derek "Nursey" Nurse, Trans William "Dex" Poindexter, abolute nonsense, ml au, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22119559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowfaerieammy/pseuds/shadowfaerieammy
Summary: Dex thought he knew what to expect from college. Crazy parties? Sure. The responsibility of protecting an entire campus of students from villains? Hadn’t expected that one. And he was expected to protect Samwell with an insufferably clumsy partner, too. All while balancing academics and hockey to keep his scholarship. He had his work cut out for him, but if anything he was stubborn. He would succeed, and he would do it feeling amazingly masculine in that polka dotted spandex suit.
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46
Collections: OMGCP AU Bang 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter takes place at the beginning of Dex's freshman year.
> 
> Art for the fic provided by MissWeber can be found here: https://missweber.tumblr.com/post/190065222017/art-for-the-check-please-au-bang  
> Check out the art yall! It's absolutely delightful! :)

“Poindexter, can you come to our office?”

It was their first practice, and Dex thought he did a pretty good job. He was a little rusty from limited ice time over the summer, but he was on par with the other freshman. Nobody could tell him he didn’t belong on this team and be right.

Many people did tell him that, though: that he didn’t belong on the team. Thankfully, the coaches took none of that transphobic bullshit.

They probably just wanted to talk about locker room stuff, whether he would shower and change with the rest of the team or on his own. Surely he wasn’t in trouble. He argued with Nurse a bit, sure, but nothing worth getting called into their office for.

Dex stepped into the office, closed the door behind him, and took a seat.

The first thing he noticed was the weird music box thing that wasn’t on the back desk the last time he’d been in there.

The second thing he noticed was a hexagonal wooden box directly in front of him on the front desk.

“Open that,” Coach Hall said, gesturing to the box. “We’ll sound a lot less crazy that way.”

“Okay?” That sounded ominous, but Dex wasn’t going to question his coaches. Maybe they were just weird guys.

Dex picked up the box. It was heavy, made of thick wood despite being so small. There was a character carved into the top, but he had no idea what it symbolized. He held the base of it in one hand and lifted the lid slowly with the other.

A burst of pink light blinded him, then it settled down into a glow and faded.

Floating impossibly in front of him was some big-headed tiny-bodied red creature. It had antennae and black spots on its red body and it freaked Dex the fuck out.

“Before you freak out,” Coach Murray said, anticipating Dex’s reaction, “we have an explanation for all of this.”

Dex nodded dumbly.

“This is Tikki.” The little red creature waved. Dex waved back. “Tikki is a quantic god with the power of creation. Tikki’s power is held in these earrings, which are called the ladybug miraculous.” Dex hadn’t even noticed the earrings secured in the forgotten box. “If you wear the earrings, you can borrow Tikki’s power and transform into a superhero.”

If Dex hadn’t already seen the quantic god, he would’ve thought this all nonsense. But Tikki was there, floating in front of him with with big blue eyes and a kind smile.

“There is a villain named Hawkmoth that’s causing chaos to try to find the ladybug miraculous and its counterpart, the cat miraculous. He feeds on people’s negative emotions and takes advantage of them, basically possessing people and turning them into villains. I assume you heard about the monster that attacked Samwell last week.”

Of course he heard about it. His parents almost didn’t let him go because of it. The only reason he could convince them was because there were two heroes on the scene to kick its ass.

A ladybug and a black cat.

“We’re not as young as we used to be,” Coach Hall continued, taking over for Coach Murray. “We donned the miraculous for that one fight, but we can’t handle more. We need someone else to fight.”

“Why me?” Dex wasn’t the strongest on the team, or the fastest, or the smartest. He was the most flexible, but only barely because Chowder could drop into the splits on command and Bitty had skills from his figure skating days.

“I guess we can say you’re a jack of all trades. While your teammates each tend to have strengths and weaknesses, you’re adept in many areas. Your temper could be better, sure, but there’s nothing we can pinpoint specifically as a weakness besides that.”

“And your ears are pierced,” added Coach Murray, undermining that whole speech.

Wow, Dex felt so special.

“Yes, that was a contributing factor, but we wouldn’t have chosen you just for that. We are trusting you with this honor, do you understand?”

Dex nodded, unsure of what to say. The coaches thought he was skilled and trustworthy, which was great, but he hoped it would be for his valuable contribution to the team. This was his first official practice; he didn’t even really know them or the team well.

“Who’s getting the cat?” he asked. Maybe knowing his partner would make this easier. Or harder. If they paired him with Nursey, his defense partner, he’d combust. He could hardly tolerate the beautiful monster.

“We picked someone who isn’t on the team. You don’t know them, and we want it to stay that way. You’re safest if nobody knows who you are.”

That made sense. The people around him couldn’t be directly targeted if they weren’t close to him as a hero. Aside from his partner, he had to stay away from everyone while donning his hero facade.

“So, what do you say, Poindexter? Samwell is depending on you.”

Coach Hall said it like it wasn’t literally the end of the world. As if it wasn’t a huge weight lowered onto Dex’s shoulders. As if Dex wouldn’t get hurt and threatened and traumatized in his time as a hero, just like they did.

Dex shifted his gaze from the coaches to the creature floating in front of him.

“It’s a pleasure to work with you, Tikki.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fffffffuck the LAX bros.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during Dex's freshman year.

They were in practice when Dex’s first akuma hit. It was early, but not so early that the sun didn’t shine through the windows. Hence the confusion when suddenly the inside of Faber dimmed, a grey film cast inside.

Everyone looked up to the windows. It was pouring out, a huge contrast to the sunniness of just a few minutes ago. New England weather was temperamental, so it wasn’t that concerning, until Dex noticed something peculiar about the rain coming down in thick sheets.

The rain was purple.

Dex’s head whipped towards where the coaches were off the ice.

Coach Murray nodded minutely while Coach Hall raised his voice to capture the attention of the team. “Boys! We’ll be pausing practice to check out what’s going on with the weather. You can wait out here or in the locker room, your choice.”

A few members of the team skated their way off the ice and opted for the locker room. Dex followed them off the ice, branching away from them to find a safe place to transform.

He spotted the handicapped bathroom and had an a-ha moment. He looked around to make sure nobody saw him then went in, locking the door behind him.

“Tikki, spots on!”

When the glow of the transformation faded, Dex was in his superhero uniform. He didn’t like the red and black spandex-like suit much, the cherry red clashed obnoxiously with his ginger hair, but it had its merits. It compressed his chest more effectively and comfortably than his binder. He could probably run and jump and do all sorts of acrobatics without it budging.

Fuck you, dysphoria. Eat my superhero spandexed ass.

“Okay, Tikki,” Dex mumbled, “how the fuck am I supposed to go out in that rain?”

He didn’t really expect and answer, since Tikki was in his earrings, so it surprised him when the thing on his hip vibrated. Yo-yo. Right. He’d been practicing yo-yo tricks in his dorm room in preparation for this, much to his roommate’s amusement. Dex managed to hit himself in the head at least a dozen times with the cheap wooden yo-yo he picked up from Murder Stop n Shop.

Maybe if he swung his magic yo-yo fast enough, it could make some type of shield? It was worth a try.

Dex approached the main exit and held the door open, prepared for the onslaught of rain. He stepped out and quickly started spinning the yo-yo over his head..

Holy shit it worked!

Dex managed to only catch some of the rain before his spinning, and it poured straight down so the yo-yo shielded him effectively.

“Holy shit, that’s cool!”

Dex turned to the voice beside him, surprised to see a person, sopping wet, wearing a black cat suit. The surprise quickly faded once Dex remembered that he had a partner and this was likely them.

“Thanks,” Dex said with a smirk. He was glad he practiced. Hopefully his partner practiced, too. “Shouldn’t you be able to do this too, with whatever you have?”

“Nah, still learning how to use my baton.” They pulled a metal stick from their waist where it was attached. “Room for two under there?”

Dex waved them over with his free hand. “I’m Ladybug, he/him pronouns. Nice to meet you.” He held out his hand for a handshake.

“Chat Noir, they/them.” Chat took Dex’s hand in his own, but instead of shaking it, he grasped it flat and kissed the back of Dex’s hand, causing Dex to turn bright red. His blush nearly matched his suit. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Dex yanked his hand away and wrapped it around himself to keep it safe from his handsy partner. “I’m trying to think of a plan. We don’t know what we’re fighting, visibility is shit, and I can only use one hand.”

“The Samwell Akuma Alert twitter was updated two minutes ago,” Chat said, looking at the screen of their baton. Apparently, like Dex’s yo-yo, the baton could be slid open to use as a communicator. He should’ve thought to check it for internet capabilities. “The akuma was near frat row and it makes people cry?”

“Does it say anything about how it makes people cry?”

“By touch, or if too much rain seeps into their skin. They turn purple. I guess my suit kept me dry enough to not become Violet Beauregard.”

They headed to frat row, hindered by the rain and having to share Dex’s shield. His partner kept tripping and slipping, and Dex couldn’t blame them because the ground was slick, puddly and muddy, but damn if it wasn’t annoying. He just wanted to get this over with so practice could resume. At this rate, practice would be ruined.

As they grew closer to frat row, Dex noticed that the purple hue of the sky grew darker over the LAX bro frat house.

Of fucking course.

Everyone on the hockey team, even the newest members of the team, had heard of the LAX bros. As part of their initiation, Shitty gave them a lecture about the evil of the Samwell Men’s Lacrosse team. Number thirteen of the Haus by-laws was “Ffffuck the LAX team,” and for good reason. They were supposedly the douchiest of dudes, the type of assholes that crashed parties they weren’t invited to so they could harass women that weren’t interested.

Dex knew the type.

There were people up and down frat row down on their knees and crying into their hands, as if the sheets of rain didn’t phase them.

Chat Noir and Ladybug followed the trail of crying people towards the East Quad.

Standing, no, floating in the middle of the street was what seemed to be a woman in a purple gown. She wailed at a couple a few yards in front of her, cowering under an umbrella and trying to slowly back away.

She didn’t seem to notice the heroes yet.

“Hit her with your stick,” Dex whispered to his partner.

“What? Why?”

“A distraction so those people can run into the post office. Just do it.”

Chat Noir lifted their stick high above their head and threw it hard. It would have missed their target completely if the baton hadn’t extended three-quarters down its path.

The wailing woman froze, just for a few moments, then turned slowly to face the novice heroes. Now that she faced them, Dex noticed a necklace around her neck. It was dainty and silver with a purple teardrop pendant.

“Fuck.” Dex hadn’t thought through this part. At least the couple had the chance to run and hide. “Hey asshole!” Now that they had her attention, they might as well keep it. “How about you not do whatever you’re trying to do?”

“Very smooth,” Chat chirped, pressed into Dex’s side to stay under the yo-yo.

“I am fully prepared to shove you out into the rain. Does this kitty like water?”

“No, but this kitty would like their baton back.”

“How about his? We run into the nearest building, I lucky charm this yo-yo, and we hope to fuck I’m suddenly some sort of tactical genius?”

Chat swept their arms in a gesture meaning “lead the way.”

The woman began to wail again, even louder than before, and Dex resisted the urge to cover his ears so he wouldn’t drop the yo-yo.

“Run,” he hissed, then put his hand on Chat’s back and pushed, forcing them to run with him. They took shelter in the nearest building and Dex looked out the window. The rain, despite being of her own making, seemed to slow the wailing woman down too.

“Aren’t we supposed to find an evil amulet or something?”

“Something like that. It can be anything, though. My bet is on the necklace.”

“So we break the necklace and all goes back to normal?”

“No, I need to do a thing.”

“A thing?” Chat asked skeptically.

“I’d love to explain,” Dex growled, his aggravation rising, “but we’re a little pressed for time since an evil crying lady is walking towards us right now.”

“Right.”

Dex tossed his yo-yo up in the air and shouted the words “Lucky charm!” As the yo-yo reeled back in, the lucky charm fell into his hands.

It was a jersey and hat for the Samwell Men’s Lacrosse team.

“What the fuck?”

Dex shoved the clothes into his partners hands. “Put this on. You’re gonna distract her so I can grab the necklace. Get close in case I can’t break it myself.”

Chat Noir grumbled under their breath, too quiet for Dex to hear, but they put the clothes on anyway. The hat fit tight over their cat ears, but the outfit worked. They looked like a LAX bro, or at least they would look like a LAX bro through the rain to a person who is very upset at LAX bros.

There’s an openable window to the side. It was big, just big enough for Dex to wiggle out of.

“I’ll go this way, you head out the front. And do not get hit.”

Chat Noir threw open the door as Dex unfastened the window latch. “Hey pretty lady! How’re you doing? I’m a LAX bro! Wanna come touch my muscles?”

Dex choked down a laugh and went out the window. Chat’s distraction was working; Dex could approach her from behind with his yoyo swinging overhead and she didn’t notice a thing. Just a little further…

He threaded his free hand under the chain of the necklace, at the side of her neck, and watched with satisfaction when the weak links near the clasp ripped. The necklace pulled away easily and Dex jumped back, careful not to get hit by her when she whipped around.

Holding the necklace, Dex did a few back handsprings to get away fast but also because of his adrenaline rush, creating enough space between them so that she couldn’t reach him before he could smash the pretty purple pendant beneath his feet.

A purple butterfly, the entity holding the evil used by Hawkmoth to possess the girl and give her powers, flew from the shattered gem.

Dex spun out his yo-yo and latched onto the butterfly. His yo-yo opened and captured it inside. Once inside, the yo-yo had the power to purify it and take away the evil, rendering it a harmless butterfly again.

“Gimme the costume,” Dex shouted to Chat, who was standing a few yards away. Chat peeled off the sopping shirt and hat, bundled them up, and threw them to Dex. Dex tossed them into the air, shouting “Miraculous Ladybug!”

A pink shimmer (why did it have to be pink? Why wasn’t it red) filled with ladybugs radiated from the lucky charm and spread throughout campus. The rain stopped. The purple haze dissipated. The people crying in the street regained their senses.

“Well, that’s finally done,” Dex grumbled, running a hand down his face to collect himself. If he was lucky, there was enough time for practice to resume. Realistically, though, not likely. The battle wasn’t hard, but it was lengthy with how long it took to move through the rain.

“Hey.”

Dex looked up to meet the eyes of his partner. They were bright green on the outside and a more muted olive green on the inside, obviously a costume effect of his miraculous. Chat grinned, loose and content, in every way like the cat they represented.

“We make a good team.” Chat Noir held out a gloved hand for a fist bump. “Pound it?”

Dex rolled his eyes but pressed his knuckles to his partners. “Learn how to handle your baton for next time,” he chided, though the tone made it sound more like a chirp. He turned away and launched his yo-yo at a nearby lamp post. “Good work!” he shouted as he used the yo-yo to launch himself into the air.

His timing needed practice, and so did his aim, plus everything else about how he swung his way back to Faber, but overall Dex did a pretty good job not making a fool of himself as he swung his way through campus. He landed behind an academic building and let his transformation fall.

He only had five minutes until his transformation fell, after he used his lucky charm, so he needed to get faster with his exits. Like he said, pretty good for his first time, though; he managed to get to a safe location before his suit faded and Tikki popped out of his earrings.

Dex made his way back into Faber and slipped his way into the locker room. Nobody was there so he went to the ice. Everyone was starting to skate off, clambering up onto real ground.

Ransom was the first to reach him. “Hey, Dex, where have you been?”

“Bathroom,” he lied. “Cramps.” Dysphoria was gross, but Dex appreciated the easy outs that having a female body gave him. It would make his superhero business easier.

Ransom’s brows furrowed in sympathy. “That sucks, man. I have Tylenol in my bag if you need it.”

“Thanks but I’m fine now. Did I miss the rest of practice?”

“Yeah. Sorry, dude.” Ransom patted Dex’s shoulder then left for the locker room.

“Fucking great,” Dex groaned under his breath. At least the coaches couldn’t give him shit for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dex, walking away from the ice after missing practice: fuck the LAX bros  
> Nursey, coming up behind him: I mean yeah, but why this time  
> Dex, who can’t explain he missed practice to fight a monster caused by a LAX bro cheating on his girlfriend: no reason, just fuck the LAX bros


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nursey has a not-so-secret admirer, and their confession attempt doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during Dex's sophomore year.

Dex, Chowder, and Nursey were planted at a table in the library, doing their darnedest to get some work done. There hadn’t been an akuma in just under a week and Dex was basking in the peace. He finally had a chance to do classwork uninterrupted.

Of course, right as he had that thought, a student walked up to their table and cast a shadow over them.

The student was small, at least compared to the towering athletes. He was short and gangly, a loose sweater hanging off his frame. He was cute, though, in a traditional way. Clear skin. Hair that wasn’t red. From the sketchbook held tight to his chest, Dex could guess that he was an art student.

“Hi, Derek,” the boy squeaked.

“Hey Taylor.” Nursey gave the boy a chill smile, the same kind he always used around others. The one that made Dex sick. “What’s up?”

“I, uh, wanted to talk to you, if that’s okay,” he mumbled, face tilted down to hide his blush. It wasn’t even that bright; it blended well into his skin tone. Another thing that made him prettier than Dex.

Which, what the fuck? Why did he even care?

“Sure, go ahead.”

“I wanted to talk to you privately, actually.” His voice got quieter with each word. He must’ve been so anxious. Dex almost felt bad for the guy.

“Ooh, hitting on a hockey player, are you, Tim?”

Dex definitely felt bad for the guy. Because now, a LAX bro had his arm around Taylor’s shoulder and used it to push him down.

“Fuck off, Chad,” Dex said, standing from his seat. He didn’t know Taylor, but if he was friends with Nursey, he was probably a good enough guy to not deserve the LAX bros bullshit.

Chad laughed and tightened his arm around Taylor’s shoulder. “Didn’t you know, Tim, that he’s banging his redheaded guard dog? Not sure why since he’s fucking ugly.”

Being called ugly fucking sucked, but at least he wasn’t called a girl this time. Most of the LAX guys laid off him now that they knew he was the only person that could fix their appliances in a timely manner. He didn’t like them, but he racked up favors where it would help. It helped after the occasional akuma attack when he needed a LAX bro to get their shit together and give an apology (they owed so many apologies).

The LAX bros didn’t respect Dex, but they needed him, and that was enough to shut most of them up.

Except for Chad Z, of course.

“I said, Fuck off, Chad,” Dex growled, rounding the table to stand next to Chad and Taylor. “Leave, or the next time one of you idiots throws a brick in the dryer, they can blame you when I refuse to fix it.”

Chad scowled but backed out, shoving Taylor a bit as he let go. Taylor tripped and hit the table. “Fine. Fucking hockey team.”

Everyone was glad when he left.

Dex grabbed Taylor’s arms, gently so he wouldn’t hurt the guy any more than he already was, and helped him back into a standing position. The poor guy was red-faced and looked on the verge of tears. “You okay?”

Taylor jerked away from Dex, probably still shaken. Embarrassed. Dex could relate.

“I’m fine. Sorry.” Taylor turned away, facing down so nobody could see his upset expression, and rushed away.

Dex considered following him but wondered if that would be out of line. He didn’t even know the guy. Chad Z was an asshole, though, and the catalyst for most akuma attacks, so it wouldn’t be a surprise if Taylor ended up being their next akuma.

By the time he made the decision to follow, he was already too late; crashes sounded outside.

“Aw, fuck,” Dex muttered under his breath. He should’ve made the decision sooner, maybe then he could’ve talked to Taylor first, talked him out of the negative emotions. He shoved his stuff in his bag. “I’m gonna go. Bye guys!”

He didn’t wait for their replies, just rushed away as fast as he could without looking too suspicious. He found an abandoned corner to hide in and let Tikki out of his backpack.

“That boy wasn’t very nice to you,” Tikki complained, floating in the air in front of him.

“Chad Z isn’t very nice to anybody, Tikki. You ready?”

“I am! I ate while you studied! I’m out of cookies, though.”

“I’ll stop by the Haus later. If Bitty hasn’t made anything, I’ll bake you some more.” Dex took a deep breath and let it out. “Tikki, spots on!”

The akuma was thankfully still outside the front of the library by the time Dex got there, saving the trouble of going to find it.

Its costume was garish but Dex had seen much worse. Black leggings, a striped top, purple skin and a beret. On his arm was a drawing tablet and in his hand was a pen, which he used to draw.

A giant hockey puck rolled around after Chad Z, giving him a workout. He screamed shrilly, and Dex had to laugh.

“He totally deserves this, but we should probably do our job,” joked a voice over Dex’s shoulder.

Dex turned to face his partner, Chat Noir, who wore an identical mocking smile. “Can’t we sit and watch for a little while? This is like poetic justice.”

Chat laughed, loud and happy. Dex appreciated this about his partner; Chat was a bright, happy person. “You sound like an English major.”

Dex snorted at that. “Me, an English major? My friend would die laughing if he heard that. I’ve never understood a single literary reference he’s made.”

“Oh, but to be a fool!” Chat recited, voice clear and certain, as if they’d spoken these words dozens of times before. They spoke with a fond smile. “The world a beautiful mystery, the bliss of ignorance a taste on your tongue, melting like old paper, as easy to stain.”

The words were familiar, vaguely, as if he’d heard them before. It was obviously a poem, but Dex had no idea which one. Maybe it was required reading for a class and Nursey had read it aloud around him before.

Now that he thought about it, he was sure. Nursey often mumbled poetry around Dex and their friends, and it sounded so familiar.

“You managed to quote the one poem I actually do recognize. It ends with, uh… ‘May majesty be in all you see and spread like fire with your touch,’ right?” Because apparently Dex memorized the poetry Nursey read around him.

“Yeah,” Chat said after an awkward pause, tone uncharacteristically even. Usually he was chipper and vibrant. When he spoke now, it was subdued. “How do you know that?”

“My friend, the one that’s a total asshole and makes fun of me for not getting their references, is an English major, and they quote their readings all the time. They’re chill like that.” Dex chuckled a bit at his little inside joke.

When Chat didn’t reply, Dex looked back over at them, concerned. Chat just kind of stared at him. “You okay, Chat?”

Chat blinked rapidly and shook their head, knocking themselves out of some kind of trance. “Yeah, I’m fine! Just tired, and I have a class to head to, so we really should hurry up.”

“Right. As much as I enjoy watching Chad Z run from a giant hockey puck,” which was still happening, much to Dex’s amusement, “we have better things to do with our day. But if that doesn’t end up on YouTube, I will be very disappointed.”

Dex and Chat shared one final laugh before they ran up to face the villain. “I’ll go for the akuma, you get the puck.”

Dex charged at the akuma, narrowly avoiding arrows that magically appeared in the air as his enemy drew them on the tablet.

“I am the Evillustrator! Chad Z must pay for what he has done!” the akuma shouted, clearly pissed off at Chad Z, like most of the Samwell student body. For good reason, too.

In the background, he heard Chat yell to Chad Z, “If you wanted to be a puck bunny so bad, you should’ve just asked the hockey team!”

Please, please, somebody get that on film.

Dex wove his way through the arrows, trying hard to focus and not collapse in laughter. Dex managed to make it within a meter of the Evillustrator before the enemy created a wall between them.

“You win, for now, but I will be back to give Chad his just desserts!” the Evillustrator shouted from behind the wall, voice growing distant.

Dex tried to run around the wall, but it extended too far. He used his yo-yo to swing over it, but his enemy was long gone. The wall disappeared. After a quick look around, the giant puck was gone, too.

Chat ran up to him, Chad Z walking slowly up behind him.

“I need to head to class. What’s the game plan?”

Dex had hoped to spend the afternoon studying, but he couldn’t leave Chad Z unattended while an akuma was targeting him. He sighed. “I have a free afternoon, I’ll keep an eye on this asshole while you’re in class and we can regroup later.”

“I don’t need a babysitter, dudebug,” Chad sneered, though he wasn’t making a move to leave alone.

The sooner they caught the Evillustrator, the better, because Dex wasn’t sure how long he could deal with Chad Z without killing him for his bullshit.

The heroes parted ways, Chat vaulting into the distance using their baton, Dex walking with Chad Z to the LAX frat house. Dex suffered there, in that cesspool of douchebaggery, for two hours before he heard from Chat Noir.

He had expected Chat to meet him at the LAX house, not for Chat to call him. Dex was surprised when his yo-yo began to ring at his waist but he answered it anyway.

“What’s up, Chat? Where are you?”

“Soooooooo, change of plans, bugaboo. You don’t need to worry about Chad anymore.”

“Why?” Dex asked, confused. Sure, he wanted to get out of there, but not at the risk of someone’s safety. Even if that someone was Chad Z.

“The Evillustrator has other plans. You need to protect this person instead, I’ll send a pic.” Dex waited for the ding on his yo-yo. “Gorgeous, aren’t they?”

Dex choked on his own spit when he saw a picture of Derek Nurse on his phone. It was a nice picture, too, with warm natural lighting halo-ing him. “Why am I protecting a hockey player?”

“Oh, so you know them?”

“Everyone knows the hockey team,” Dex said, quickly covering up his mistake. “They’re loud and they break stuff all the time. Their rivalry with the lacrosse team is legendary.”

“Right. Anyway, they have a date with the Evillustrator tonight, and you are going to chaperone.”

“Why me? Where will you be?” If Dex was going to be stuck watching Nursey go on a date, especially on a date with a villain, he didn’t want to do it alone.

“I have another class tonight and an online exam due at midnight.”

Yikes. “Got it.”

“You can message me if you need me. Do you need help finding Derek?”

“Nah, they’re probably at the hockey house. And if they’re not, somebody there can help me find them.”

“Alright. Good luck, bugaboo!”

“Ha! I think you need it more than me, Chat. Good luck on your test.”

Finally, finally, Dex got to escape the cesspit called the lacrosse frat. Did they even clean? Ever? The entire place was like the toxic couch.

Dex crossed the street to the Haus and took a deep breath outside the front door; it smelt like goods were baking inside.

He almost forgot to knock, then he remembered that he was still in costume.

“Goodness, who could that be?” he heard Bitty say inside before opening the door. His eyes widened in surprise when he realized who stood on the other side. “Oh! Ladybug! What can I do for you today? Would you like some pie?”

“Um, thank you, but I’m here looking for Derek Nurse. Are they here?”

“No, but they’re due here any minute. Their class ended a while ago and I sent out a pie text. The team always comes running for those.” Bitty opened the door wider and stood to the side. “Come in and eat some pie while you wait.”

Dex considered it, but… “I should really go find them.”

“Find who?” asked an obnoxiously familiar voice.

Dex turned to face none other than Derek Nurse.

“You. I’m here to keep an eye on you while the Evillustrator is loose.”

“Taylor?” Derek asked, walking past Dex to go inside the Haus. Dex followed and Bitty shut the door behind them. They headed to the kitchen. “He’s harmless.”

“He attacked Chad Z with a giant hockey puck that nearly flattened him.”

“And it was hilarious. It’s on YouTube.” Thank fuck. Dex needed to find and favorite the video later. “Chat Noir called him a puck bunny. Shitty’s scheduling a viewing party tonight.”

Dex hoped the akuma bullshit would be done by then because he’d be so pissed if he had to miss that. Bitty was probably catering it.

“That boy gave me no notice, so here I am making cookies and pies with no helpers in sight,” Bitty sighed, picking up a bowl with a spoon in it and mixing.

“Aw, I can help, Bitty!”

Bitty fixed a glare on Nursey. “You aren’t allowed to touch anything in here and you know it, Nursey. I love you to bits but don’t test me.” Bitty’s expression softened and he turned to Dex with a smile Dex had learn to fear as a member of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team. This was the look Bitty used to get whatever he wanted. “Mister Ladybug, do you bake?”

“Um, just a bit,” he lied. As Dex, he baked with Bitty all the time.

“Perfect!” Bitty cheered, thrusting the bowl into Dex’s arms. “You can help me out, then. Keep an eye on Nursey and bake some cookies in the meantime.”

“Okay?” Dex said slowly, roped in. He didn’t mind baking with Bitty, but he was surprised Bitty would ask a superhero on duty for baking assistance.

That’s how Ladybug got convinced to be Bitty’s baking assistant in the hour before Nursey’s date with a villain, Nursey watching them from the kitchen table where he was not allowed to touch anything.

Dex needed cookies anyway. “Would it be okay if I took some of these?”

“Of course! However many you’d like, hon. You can pick them up tonight after all this akuma nonsense.”

Awesome, because he wasn’t sure there’d be any left by the time Dex got to the house as himself.

Eventually, many cookies later, Nursey stood from their chair. “Date time, boys,” they said, wiggling their brows like the dramatic little shit they were.

Dex took off his apron (how did Bitty manage to convince him into one? Nursey probably posted a photo online and it would go viral (Superhero Suitor Sweetens The Deal With Baking Skills ended up being the official Swallow article name later on)) and handed it back to Bitty before following Nursey out the door.

“This is the plan,” Dex explained as they walked to the pond, where Nursey was apparently told to go for the date. “Try to convince him to let you hold his stylus.” Nursey wiggled their brows again at the innuendo. “No, stop, gross. Anyway, get his pen. I don’t care how, just do it. As soon as you have it, I’ll come out of hiding and grab it from you. All you have to do is get the pen and stay safe. Understand?”

“Chill, I’ve got this.”

Approximately fifteen minutes later, their plan failed, proving that Nursey did not got this.

The plan started off fine. Dex watched from a distance as Nursey approached a sweet little boat on the water. There were lantern lights littering the air. It was sweet. Nursey was probably charmed by it.

Dex hated it, though he couldn’t pinpoint why. He hated when the Evillustrator kissed Nursey’s hand, too. He hated basically everything the Evillustrator did, actually.

That made sense, though, right? The Evillustrator was a villain. It made sense to hate a villain. Especially one targeting a friend of his, even though Nursey wasn’t necessarily being targeted in a dangerous sense.

The Evillustrator held out his pen to Nursey. Once Nursey’s hand closed around the pen, Dex pounced.

They hadn’t considered the lack of stability the boat had. When Dex landed, it rocked the boat, and Nursey lurched with the motion. They dropped the pen, their grip not tight enough, and fell overboard.

He had to make a choice: the pen or Nursey.

Dex didn’t need to think once, let alone twice. The decision came instantly. Dex was no idiot.

He dove for his friend. He grabbed Nursey around the waist and threw his yo-yo at the boat’s mast, yanking the cord to pull them back aboard. They landed, wet but safe, on the deck, right at the feet of their enemy.

“You traitor!” the Evillustrator shouted, a deep scowl on his face. “You’re just like Chad! Cruel and uncaring! You’ll get what you deserve, then he will, too!”

He slashed a few lines across his tablet with his stylus and a glass box fell over Dex and Nursey. A few more slashes and a hole appeared in the side of the boat, causing it to take on water quickly.

“I’d love to stay and chat, but I have a lacrosse team to visit,” he said before disappearing into the night.

Fucking great. Dex was stuck in a box with Nursey on a sinking boat.

“Why’d you catch me?!” Nursey shouted, still pressed against Dex’s chest from when he pulled them up out of the water.

“Because I don’t want you to die?” Dex asked more than stated. It was obvious and he didn’t understand why Nursey was so pissed about it.

“But the pen!” they shouted, far too close to be that loud, especially in an enclosed space.

“I can find another chance to get the pen, but I’m not sure Miraculous Ladybug can heal death. The worst it’s healed is a broken leg.” That wasn’t a fun fight. Dex managed to get his leg broken in the akuma commotion before suiting up, and he had to fight by using his yo-yo to suspend him in the air. He was lucky the Miraculous Ladybug fixed it, or else his hockey scholarship might have gotten screwed over.

That shut Nursey up.

Now that he finally had some quiet, Dex needed to find a way out of this box so they wouldn’t die.

“Lucky charm!”

A familiar metal rod fell into Dex’s hands, though it was red with black spots instead of just black.

Dex laughed. “Thanks for that good luck, Chat.”

He extended the baton, launching the glass cage off of them and into the lake. Now, they just needed to get off the boat.

“Hold this,” Dex said, thrusting the, now retracted, baton into Nursey’s hands. He grabbed them tight around the waist and latched his yo-yo to a nearby tree.

They were wet, and now muddy, but they were alive.

Dex released Nursey and took the baton. “Come on, let’s get you back to the hockey frat. They can keep an eye on you while I clean up this mess.”

“Where’s your partner?”

“Busy.”

“Too busy to fight an akuma?” Nursey asked skeptically.

“Aren’t we all?” Dex lost so much study time because of this monster-fighting business. He didn’t even get paid or anything for his work.

“So, uh, what’s your major?”

Dex didn’t know why Nursey felt small talk was necessary, but Dex humored him. He replied with the first answer that came to mind. “English.”

Nursey eyed him skeptically. “Really?”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

They reached the Haus and Dex walked with Nursey to the door.

“You don’t need to walk me in,” Nursey said, smile looking forced. Not the best mask of chill Dex had seen from them.

Dex smirked. “I’m just here for the cookies.”

Nursey’s expression shifted to one of surprise before returning to a face of calm. “Cookies. Right. Chill.”

Dex followed him inside, pausing outside the kitchen door to look into the living room. At least half of the team seemed to be converged there over a game of Mario Kart.

A plastic bag of cookies, wrapped tidily with a bow, sat on the table with a post-it note labeled For Ladybug. Dex grabbed it, gave Nursey an awkward wave, and walked out of the Haus.

He ran around the side to hide before his transformation fell. Tikki flew out of his earrings and he gave her the bag of cookies. “Evillustrator’s still on the loose so we gotta be quick.” He grabbed his own cookie to snack on while he waited for her to rechange. Once she finished her cookie and he his, he retransformed and headed over to the LAX house.

Upon peering in a window, Dex saw more giant hockey pucks. Big surprise. The whole LAX house was under attack.

“Lucky charm!” Dex wanted to make this fast and get back to his studying; he had an exam the next day.

A hockey stick fell into his hands.

What could I do with this? he wondered. It was definitely a hockey stick, and he was sitting outside the hockey team’s house. Maybe, since his partner was out of commission for the night, he should call for backup.

Dex stormed back into the Haus, not bothering to knock this time, and walked directly into the living room.

The occupants were surprised, to say the least.

Dex pointed to Ransom and Holster, who sat on the couch with controllers in their hands. “You two. Can you come help me?”

Holster shot up from his seat. “Hell yeah we can!”

“Whatever you need, bro.”

The plan was simple, like all of Dex’s plans, because making plans was complicated and really hard to do on a time constraint. Holster would play defense and block and deflect the flying pucks, as well as act as a distraction. If the Evillustrator focused on Holster and Dex, he wouldn’t notice Ransom sneaking up and tackling him. Ideally, when Ransom tackled him, he would drop the stylus and Dex could catch it with his yo-yo.

It worked, to a certain point. Holster distracted. Ransom tackled. The Evillustrator dropped his stylus. Dex launched his yo-yo to grab it.

A stray puck hit the stylus as it flew through the air and changed its trajectory, sending it far across the room from everyone. With Ransom still holding the Evillustrator down and him harmless without the pen in hand, Dex scrambled across the room, dodging pucks, to grab the pen.

He didn’t see the puck till it was inches from his face, too close for him to dodge. He watched, waited for the impact.

It bounced off the air, as if there were a forcefield around Dex. He reached out a hand, felt nothing.

Weird.

But he didn’t have time to think about it; he needed to get to that pen.

After some more scrambling, he managed to grab the pen. He snapped it and released the dark butterfly. He captured it in his yo-yo, cleansed it and sent it on its way.

“Hockey stick!” Dex shouted, and Holster tossed the lucky charm to him. He tossed it into the air. “Miraculous Ladybug!”

A pink glow washed over the LAX house and when it dimmed down, all flying hockey pucks were gone. No more safety hazard.

“Thanks, guys,” Dex said, patting Holster and Ransom each on the shoulder. “I owe you one.”

The defense pair shared a look then turned back to Dex with smug grins. “We’ll let you know when we’re ready to cash that in.”

They left, walking past Dex to the door, and Dex walked further into the LAX house living room to the student crumpled in the corner.

Dex kneeled down next to Taylor and helped him sit up. “Hey.”

Taylor blinked slowly at first in a daze, then rapidly to clear his head. “Where am I?”

“The lacrosse frat. You were an akuma.”

Taylor froze, body stiff where Dex still held onto his arms. His face paled then flushed, a drastic shift. “What did I do?”

“As an akuma?” Dex asked, pulling Taylor up to his feet and letting Taylor lean on him as they walked out of the frat house. “Terrorize the LAX bros with hockey pucks and hit on a hockey player.”

“Oh no,” Taylor whined, dropping his head into his hands, embarrassed. “Derek’s never going to talk to me again.”

“I’m sure they will. They don’t seem like the kind of person that will ignore you just because you did something dumb as an akuma.”

“Yeah, but he knows about my big dumb crush on him. I didn’t realize he was dating William.” Taylor puffed out a small humorless laugh. “I should have guessed.”

“What do you mean?”

“We take a poetry class together. All his poems are about fall and constellations. Fire. Now that I know, it’s obvious.”

Dex wanted to say that they weren’t dating, but how could he say that with confidence and not have Taylor ask how he was so certain? He had to stay silent and wait for Nursey to speak with Taylor on their own.

And what was it with the poetry? Was Taylor serious? Nursey could be writing about that stuff for any number of reasons. Random writing prompts. Inspiration from stargazing stoned in the reading room. It didn’t need to mean anything.

Dex wasn’t sure he wanted it to mean anything.

His earrings beeped.

“I need to go. Can you get around okay?”

“Yes. Thank you, Ladybug.”

Dex waved and yo-yoed off into the distance. He landed near the library, changed back in a nice safe corner, and walked his way back to the Haus.

When he passed the threshold of the building, the team pounced.

“Dude, where have you been?”

“Tonight was swawesome and you missed out!”

Dex put up his hands in front of himself in both a defensive and placating fashion to create distance between himself and Ransom and Holster. “I was just studying! I have an exam tomorrow.”

“You didn’t answer your phone,” a quieter, more chill voice asked from behind them.

On the couch sat Derek Nurse, freshly showered and not looking at all like he took a dip in the lake thanks to a villain.

Dex almost reached for his phone out of habit to check it for missed messages, but he left it in his pocket instead. “My phone died.”

“Right,” Nursey said, voice slightly less chill than usual. Curious. Questioning, maybe? Definitely not something good. The tone was gone by the time he spoke next. “Maybe you should carry a charger around, Poindexter.”

“I’ll consider it.” Dex shouldered past Holster and Ransom, who started their own conversation while Nursey and Dex spoke, and threw his backpack on the livingroom floor before heading into the kitchen.

No Bitty, but there was a baggie, identical to the one from earlier, labeled “For Dex, good job studying!” He mentally thanked the world for Eric Richard Bittle and took the cookies to his seat. The other bag was still in his backpack so Tikki could eat those and Dex could keep these all to himself.

Or try to, at least.

“Nurse, these are my cookies!” Dex yelled, shoving Nursey away, who tried to steal a cookie.

“C’mon, man. Just one!”

“I bet you already had plenty.”

“But none is as sweet as you!” Nursey recited as a shout into Dex’s ear as they continued to shove each other. “The bitter burn of caramel, sweet turned, is the taste of your skin, yet I yearn for more!”

“Who was that one?” Dex asked, genuinely curious. He didn’t have a head for poetry, but Nursey loved it, and Dex wanted to know what it meant to mean so much to him. He was growing more curious about Nursey each day, and it terrified him, but not enough to make him stop. “Neruda? You talk about him a lot.”

“It’s more fun if I don’t tell you.”

“I’ll just google it later, Nurse.”

“Good luck with that.” Nursey dove under Dex’s arm and grabbed the bag of cookies, pulling one out. “A-ha!”

“Fuck!”

Nursey shoved the cookie into Dex’s mouth and stood to leave. “Sugar scratching on my tongue, like glass, has never felt so kind,” he said with a wink.

The cookie was soft and sugary, neither bitter nor sharp like Nursey’s poem. If Dex put thought into it, that sounded more like a description of himself than the sweets.

Dex tried not to think about it.

He thought about it anyway. Just a little. And if he wrote Nursey’s words down to google later and didn’t find any results, nobody needed to know that Dex blushed when he realized who the author was.

BOOP NEW SCENE

Dex, Chowder, and Nursey were planted at a table in the library, doing their darnedest to get some work done. Dex was exhausted from the previous days akuma and he still had some time to study before his test. With the amount of study time he lost due to the akuma, he really needed it.

Of course, right as he had that thought, Derek spoke.

“Hey, Taylor. How are you doing?”

Dex looked up. Taylor stood near their table but not close. His lips were pulled in a tight, uncomfortable smile.

“I’m doing as well as you could expect. I’ll let you get back to studying.”

He waved, and Nursey waved, then Taylor was gone.

“What happened with him? Did he ever actually get to ask you out?” Dex asked, because he loved to torture himself.

“Actually, he has this crazy idea that you and I are dating, Dexington,” Nurse chirped, wiggling his brows suggestively.

Dex groaned and thumped his head on the table. “Could be worse. People could think I’m dating Chad Z.”

Chowder and Nursey let out a collective “Gross!”

The three frogs laughed.

“I would have turned him down, anyway,” Nursey added after a minute, voice softer. Not serious, but almost. “Not really my type.”

“What is your type?” The words were out of Dex’s lips before he had the chance to think them through.

Nursey swept his notebooks and pens into his backpack. “Assholes, apparently,” he joked with a wink.

Dex watched him walk away from the table with one thought circulating through his head.

Oh no.

“You okay there, Dex?” Chowder asked, putting a comforting hand on Dex’s shoulder.

He forced a smile. “I’m fine, Chow,” he lied through his teeth.

Oh no, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dex: Do people really assume Nursey and I are dating?  
> Bitty: Sweetie, if you told me right now that you are, I wouldn’t be surprised.  
> Dex: But I don’t even like him!  
> Bitty sent Dex a look that says “Boy we all know that’s a lie.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disaster strikes while Dex is away from Samwell on a roadie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during Dex's sophomore year.

Dex dreaded away games. What if there’s an akuma? The further away the game, the harder it’d be for him to get back and fight. He could only hope that his partner would be on campus whenever he wasn’t. It was a fear every time they left campus for a prolonged period of time.

The coaches promised they had a plan in place in case of an akuma during an away game, but Dex worried.

He didn’t worry enough to not fall asleep on the bus, though. More specifically, on his seatmate Nursey’s shoulder.

Nursey was a weird person for him to be around. Ever since the Evillustrator, Dex didn’t know how to act around him. Whatever he felt while watching Taylor ask Nursey out, and woo Nursey as the Evillustrator, and talk to Nursey again after the whole mess was gross and he didn’t like it, but worse it wasn’t going away.

He didn’t want to think about it.

So when he woke up and recognized the scent of Nursey on the cardigan pressed into his face, Dex jerked away and created space between them as fast as possible.

“Chill, Dex. you’re not gonna catch the gay by using me as a pillow,” Nursey joked, wrapping an arm around Dex’s shoulders and pulling him back to their shoulder.

He was pretty sure that nobody on his team still thought he was homophobic at this point, and he still didn’t know why they assumed that in the first place because all he did was ask about the validity of the “one in four” statistic (because really how can someone measure that? The “maybe more” listed at the end made it even less scientific). They still assumed he was straight, though, which was honestly pretty shitty of them (especially Shitty, who gave so many lectures about heteronormativity).

“No worries there, Nurse,” he mumbled, letting himself relax back into Nursey’s shoulder. They were a few years too late for Dex’s gay panic, which was right before his bipanic, and by the time he realized he was pansexual he was done with the whole panicking thing. His transgender revelation in high school kinda overshadowed it, and he’d learned by then that being queer wasn’t a big deal anyway.

So Dex let himself nuzzle his face into Nursey’s shoulder, and if his nose brushed against the skin of his neck, neither of them mentioned it.

BOOP NEW SCENE

The other team was good. They had strong players in every position and they held their own against Samwell’s team. That didn’t stop Samwell from having a two point lead when there were only five minutes left of the game. Dex felt confident that they would win.

Then Nursey went down. It didn’t make sense; Dex saw the check and it didn’t seem that bad. It was definitely legal, at least, though that didn’t mean much. Nursey must’ve twisted away from it wrong or something.

Everything stopped around them.

“Poindexter!” Coach Murray yelled from the sidelines. “Get Nurse off the ice!”

Dex skated his way over to Nursey and helped them up, wrapping one of Nursey’s arms around his shoulder and one of his own arms around Nursey’s waist. “You’re such a klutz, Nurse. That wasn’t even a bad check.”

Nursey just chuckled and kept his eyes anywhere but on Dex, which was both super weird and super concerning.

“You okay, Nursey?”

They made it off the ice and met with the coaches on the sidelines.

“Dex, help carry him to the locker room.”

Dex nodded and walked towards the locker room, the coaches following behind them.

“What happened, Nursey?”

“I fell wrong. At worst, maybe a sprain. It just caught me by surprise.”

Coach Hall stopped them outside the locker room. “I can take him from here. Head back with Coach Murray.”

He wanted to argue. The game was almost over anyway and they weren’t going to send Dex out without Nursey at this point, so why couldn’t he stay?

“It’s fine, Dex,” Nursey said with a smile that didn’t look quite right to Dex. “Chill.”

Dex sighed. There was nothing he could do. He handed off Nursey to Coach Hall and walked away with Coach Murray.

As they left, Dex could just barely hear Nursey say something that sounded suspiciously like “I hate lying to him.”

“There’s an akuma at Samwell,” Coach Murrey whispered, dragging Dex out of his thoughts.

“What? We’re nowhere near home!” This was awful. What was he supposed to do? “You have a plan for this, right? You told me you had a plan!”

“Calm down, Dex. We do have a plan.” Coach Murray directed him to a storage room and shoved him inside. He closed the door behind them. “Is Tikki in your bag?” Dex nodded. “Someone’s coming to bring you back to Samwell, they’ll bring your bag.”

“But shouldn’t my identity be a secret?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He wasn’t sure what was happening, but obviously the coaches knew what they were doing. He watched Coach Murray leave and waited silently, crouched in a corner in his bulky hockey gear.

Shortly after, a glowing white circle appeared in the air beside him (holy shit!) and out popped a bunny.

“Here’s your bag, dear,” the bunny said.

Or more accurately, a hero in a bunny themed costume. The outfit was white and grey, basically a sleeved romper over dark tights with grey boots. The hood of the romper had rabbit ears, but instead of flopping like fabric, they stood up. When Dex looked close, he realized the ears were coming through small holes in the hood and were part of the person’s head much like Chat’s ears were.

“Transform so we can get going. We don’t have a large window here.”

Dex let Tikki out of his bag and slung it over his shoulders so he wouldn’t lose it after transformation. “You ready, Tikki?”

“Ready!”

“Tikki, spots on!” Dex finished his transformation into Ladybug and turned back to bunny-boy. “What’s the plan?”

He held out a hand for Dex to take. “Hold on or you’ll get left behind. Follow me! Burrow!”

Another glowing circle appeared, and the rabbit dragged Dex through it.

What met them on the other side was the dark of the night, dimly illuminated by the occasional streetlight.

Bunny dropped Dex’s hand and took a step back, creating space between them. “I’ll be back soon, hun. Message me on your yo-yo when you’re done.”

“Wait! Who are you?” The coaches had never mentioned him before, he didn’t even know what they called themselves.

The rabbit hero winked and rested one hand on a cocked hip. “You can call me Señor Bun, darlin’.” He jumped through another magic circle and disappeared.

Holy fucking shit.

No way.

Really?

But he didn’t have time to dwell on it, because there was an akuma somewhere, and there would be plenty of time to question Bitty in the future.

Dex ran down the street, or at least tried to, because halfway down the street he hit some sort of invisible barrier. He took a step back to rub his sore nose. “What is this?”

Then suddenly the barrier fell, and all hell broke loose.

Standing in the middle of the street was a guy in a turtle suit, a shield held out in front of him to defend himself from…… a trash monster?

“Took you long enough!” the turtle shouted, deflecting a blast from the monster’s red solo cup hand. Was it shooting out beer? It smelt like beer, at least. “It’s barely nine and this asshole managed to get kicked out of a party.”

Dex used his yo-yo to swing carefully on nearby fixtures, avoiding beer blasts from the monster. “Let me guess. LAX bro?”

“You guessed it.”

Dex whipped around to face the new voice, surprised to come face-to-face with another hero. Or, face to chest since she was significantly shorter than him. Her outfit was orange and white, with pointed ears and a tail. A fox?

“I’m Lomri. Nice to meet you, dude. Do you need a run down?”

“Make it quick!” the turtle yelled from where he was continuing to fend off the monster.

“Dude got kicked out of a party. He keeps calling himself The Waster. We cleared the area and kept it contained. Chad L. actually helped us clear the area so even the asshole lacrosse guys went without a fight. Go for the cup hand.”

The turtle guy appeared by Ladybug and Lomri’s side, expression pissed off behind the mask. “I’m Carapace. Can I leave now before I change back?”

“Go ahead,” said another surprise voice, though this one Dex recognized. He didn’t even flinch when his partner’s arm wrapped around his shoulder and they leaned in close. “We’ve got this.”

“Good!” said Lomri, clapping their hands together. “My girlfriend’s waiting for me and I hate being late to date night. Right now I have an illusion up, because nobody is supposed to see us, but I’ll drop it once Carapace and I are out of sight. Have fun!”

Dex watched them leave, Lomri running one direction and Carapace the other. As Carapace ran away, someone with a tray of fries tripped and dropped them all over him. Dex swore he heard Carapace say “Not again.” That guy must have had bad luck.

“I’m The Waster! Time to get wasted!”

Oh yeah, that asshole. Dex returned his attention to the akuma and his partner. Chat Noir was distracting Waster, buying time for Dex to make a plan.

“Lucky charm!” he shouted, throwing his yo-yo into the air. A plastic cup similar to the one on Waster’s hand fell down.

He looked at the cup, then at the akuma. The plan was simple, maybe too simple, but worth a try.

“Hey, Waster!” he shouted, raising the cup-holding hand above his head. “I’m ready to get wasted! Wanna come pour me a drink?”

The akuma immediately dropped its hostility. Dex was right; all he wanted was to be part of a party. “Hell yeah, dude! Let’s par-tay!”

“Go around back and break the cup when I signal,” he muttered to his partner before making his way towards the monster. Dex approached slowly, cup held over his head in a non-hostile gesture, eyes flicking back and forth between The Waster and Chat Noir.

Sometimes it surprised Dex how easy his partnership with Chat was when there were no opportunities for chirping or flirting or horseplay. When they needed to get things done fast, Chat listened to Dex with no complaints. They must have realized Dex was in a rush because they didn’t even try to keep Dex talking after they purified the akuma.

“Pound it!” the heroes cheered, bumping fists.

“Have a nice night, LB!” Chat shouted as he bound away with his baton.

“You, too, Chat!” Instead of yo-yoing his way through campus like usual, Dex ran into an alleyway and sent a message to Senor Bun on his yo-yo. A small rabbit icon had appeared in his contacts list alongside Chat’s little cat.

Almost immediately, a portal opened and a hand reached out to pull Dex into it.

“You sure were fast,” Senor Bun drawled as he dropped Dex into the storage room they started out at. “I thought I’d be sitting around in this getup for much longer.”

That didn’t make sense to Dex. Senor Bun used his power, so his transformation should have timed out. “Why don’t you have a timer after using your power?”

Senor Bun laughed. “I use this silly thing all the time. How else do you think I manage to make all those pies?”

“Holy shit,” Dex whispered, eyes wide. This explained so much. Like how Bitty could spend all his time in the kitchen and still pass his classes. He connected the two dots.

“Once you use it enough you learn a few things. I’ve got to scoot though so you detransform and get out of here.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve got a few other stops to make,” he said with a wink before disappearing into his portal again.

This night was such a ride. There were three other heroes that the coaches never told him about. Bitty was a hero. This was huge!

But he didn’t have time to dwell on it. He could think about it later in his hotel room with his binder off and Netflix playing on his laptop.

Nursey wasn’t in the locker room when Dex arrived, though the rest of the team was. He must have still been with the trainers. Dex could check on him later. For now, he just needed to get out of his pads and listen to the coaches talk about the game.

They won.

Everyone got out of their gear and ready for the bus, and Nurse sauntered in with Bitty at the last moment. Dex forgot Bitty wasn’t there. The trainers must’ve handed Nursey off to him outside because Nursey arrived with a wrapped ankle and a small limp.

“It’s just a sprain,” Nursey announced upon his arrival. “They said it’ll heal fast if I’m careful.”

Dex snorted. “You, careful?”

“Ha ha, Dexy. Is that you volunteering to help me?”

“I’m already stuck watching your clumsy ass, anyway.”

Bitty slipped out from under Nursey’s arm and passed the injured player over to Dex with a wink. “All yours.” He grabbed Nursey’s bag for him then headed out the door with the rest of the team.

Dex and Nursey trailed behind, slowed down by Nursey’s ankle. Nursey was a heavy weight on Dex’s shoulder, especially after such a long exhausting day, but Dex found he didn’t mind. Since Nursey was injured, Dex could even be nice and keep the chirping to a minimum.

They exited the rink and watched as their team members walked onto the bus. Dex was so busy watching them, judging how much further till they reached the bus, that he didn’t notice how wet and slippery the ground beneath him was.

Dex slipped. Luckily, Nursey was able to catch himself and stay upright, but Dex didn’t have that luck.

Instead, he fell into a right side split, his right leg extended flat in front of him, his left leg extended behind him, creating a line with his body.. It was easy since he got plenty of stretching and warm-ups in beforehand. If a hockey game and akuma fight did anything, it was prepare him to do splits.

“Ouch. You okay, Dex?”

Dex looked up at Nursey, who hovered over him with an expression of concern and held out a hand. Dex took it and let Nursey help him up, though he tried to make it as easy on Nursey as possible. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just got caught off guard.”

“But didn’t that hurt?”

“The splits? Nah. I do them all the time.” To prove his point, but also to be a little shit and show off, Dex fell into a middle split, his legs splayed on each side of him. He looked up at Nursey with a shit-eating grin. “Not like I have a dick to break or anything.”

Dex expected a joke about him being the dick, he left himself wide open for it, but no chirp came.

Nursey stared, wide eyed and lips slightly parted, at Dex in a split on the ground. The expression, though attractive, was decidedly not chill.

“Where’s your chill, Nurse?” Dex chirped, still on the ground. The dampness on the ground that caused him to slip was starting to soak into his pants so he eased himself up out of the split and back into a standing position.

Still no response.

“Dex! Nursey! Hurry up!” Lardo yelled from outside the bus where they stood with their clipboard.

“Come on, Nurse, let’s go.” Dex reached an arm under one of Nursey’s so Nursey could lean on him.

By the time they settled in on the bus, side by side in stiff seats that would never lose the smell of stale hockey gear, Nursey still hadn’t spoken.

If Dex looked closely, he could even see a hint of blush on his partner’s cheeks.

He may have broken his partner by doing the splits. Which was. Something. Possibly something important.

So Dex maybe had feelings for Nursey. That was fine. He could totally handle that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Distracted by the whole feelings thing, Dex totally forgot about Bitty being a hero until one day Dex was sick and locked himself in his dorm. He finally had an answer as to how Bitty broke into his room to leave treats the first time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex is having a bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during Dex's junior year.

Dex woke up to an akuma alert at four in the morning and wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. He was exhausted, a long day behind him and a longer day ahead of him. Having an early morning akuma on top of that was bullshit.

But he had obligations, so Dex folded back his comforter and got out of bed. He put on sweats over his boxers and slipped his phone into his pocket.

He was putting his shoes on when he heard shuffling in the bunk above his.

“What’s going on?”

“Just going for a jog,” Dex lied. He took morning jogs often enough that it was a plausible idea. He didn’t usually jog so early, but hopefully Nursey wouldn’t bother to check their phone before rolling over and going back to sleep.

He wasn’t so lucky.

“Dude, there’s an akuma out,” Nursey said from the top bunk, sounding more awake than a moment before. “Didn’t you see the akuma alert?”

He really needed to go if he was gonna get rid of this akuma in time for hockey practice. “I’ll be fine, Nurse. If I run into the akuma, I’ll just jog the other way.”

Silence. Dex waited, wondering why it was taking so long for Nursey to answer. They hadn’t moved, so they couldn’t have fallen back asleep.

Eventually, Nursey just said “Fine” and turned over in bed. They were done putting up a fight.

As convenient as it was, Dex almost wished Nursey had pushed harder for Dex’s safety. A little more fuss would have been nice.

But whatever. Dex needed to beat this akuma into the ground and, if he was super quick, maybe he could get some more sleep in before his alarm.

BOOP NEW SCENE

Chat was acting weird again. Chat Noir had always been a bit of a flirt, but it always had the air of empty chirping.

In the last few weeks, Chat’s demeanor had changed. They seemed to become more serious in their flirting, less prone to silly jokes and more likely to provide genuine compliments. There wasn’t much to compliment, seeing as all Chat saw of Ladybug was their akuma fights, but they managed to find things to compliment anyway. Ladybug’s fighting skills, quick planning, flexibility.

And they kept quoting poetry to Dex. Some of it he recognized from Nursey, meaning they were probably also an English major, but some of it was unfamiliar. The prose didn’t make sense to Dex, they never did, but it felt personal.

They weren’t even subtle about it, either, with their casual winks and flirtatious smirks.

Whatever. It didn’t get in the way of their fighting akumas so Dex just politely ignored it. His heart was already full of another clumsy idiot, anyway.

BOOP NEW SCENE

Dex did not get more sleep before his alarm.

BOOP NEW SCENE

Akuma. Hockey practice. Project due. Exam. Study group.

Dex needed sleep, so after his last obligation of the day, Dex said “screw everything” and decided to nap the rest of the afternoon away. He trudged into the Haus, waving hellos but bypassing his friends in favor of climbing the stairs to his room.

Nursey was sitting at their corner desk hunched over a notebook, attacking the paper noisily with a pen. The sound grated at Dex’s exhausted brain.

Dex faceplanted onto his bed with a loud groan. At least he was wearing a sports bra instead of his binder so he didn’t have to change first. “Shut the fuck up please. I need to sleep for a thousand years.”

When they were enemies, Nursey would have laughed at Dex and purposely made more noise.

Now, they were friends, and somewhere along the way they had decided not to be total assholes to each other. Their communication had gotten a lot better in the past year. They actually communicated meaningfully and learned how to show they care with the little things.

Nursey put down the pen. “I’ll wake you for dinner?”

Dex considered it. He’d definitely need to get up for dinner, but the thought of climbing down the stairs made his legs ache. “If you bring me dinner so I don’t have to deal with those fucking stairs, I will bake you your own batch of triple chocolate cookies.”

“Deal.”

“Thank fuck.”

“Bad day?”

“Mhm,” Dex mumbled into the pillow, barely able to breathe with his face smashed into it. It was nice that Nursey cared enough to ask, but Dex wanted nothing more than to sleep. Preferably with Nursey in the bed with him, but he’d settle for an empty bed to sprawl out in.

Nursey didn’t make any more conversation, just shuffled around the room quietly. They must have been trying really hard to be that quiet. Dex listened along to the sounds, letting them lull him closer to sleep, until he heard the sound of the door followed by silence in the room.

An empty room. Peace and quiet. Blinds down and blanket on. The perfect napping conditions.

Beep.

And of course, right as he was about to fall asleep, an akuma alert came through on his phone.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Dex groaned into his pillow. “What kind of bullshit nonsense.”

Without getting up, Dex waved a hand around to get his kwami’s attention. “Tikki,” he whined. “Akuma.”

Dex turned his head to look into the room. Tikki floated in the air behind his bed holding a cookie stolen from his backpack. “Good idea.” He leaned down to reach into his bag, which he’d flung onto the floor next to his bed, and grabbed a cookie. He’d need the energy.

They finished their snack in tired silence then Dex got ready to head out.

“I bet it’s the LAX bros,” Dex grumbled to himself as he climbed out of bed and stomped over to the bathroom. “It’s always the LAX bros,” he said, putting his shoes on. “Fuck the LAX bros,” he lamented, jumping haphazardly out his bedroom window in costume. He was too tired and pissed off to care about being spotted at the moment.

“Good evening, Bugaboo!” Chat sang, appearing at Dex’s side. They wrapped an arm around Dex’s shoulder and Dex didn’t have the energy to push them away. “Long time no see.”

“Not in the mood, Chat. I’m exhausted.”

Chat immediately backed off. “Right, of course. Let’s make this quick so you can get a nap in before dinner.”

Dex nodded. That was exactly his plan and he intended to follow it.

If only this fucking akuma wasn’t so hellbent on ruining Dex’s day even further. By the third time Dex got tossed violently into something painful (building, lamp post, partner), he was about ready to volunteer his magic earrings up to the akuma just so he could get a few minutes rest.

At least Chat broke his fall more effectively than the building or lamp post did.

“I’m too tired for this shit,” Dex complained as he disentangled himself from Chat Noir. Everything ached. Or at least, everything he could still feel. “Couldn’t people take one afternoon off from being assholes?”

Chat stood up and offered a hand to Dex, which he took so that Chat could help him stand. “I know right? Ffffuck the LAX bros.”

“...What?”

He must not have heard right. He was tired, that’s it. Too tired to hear properly.

“I said ffffuck the LAX bros,” Chat repeated, slower this time, as Dex watched on with doe-wide eyes. Frozen. “Dude, we say that all the time.”

“No, the hockey team says that.” It was rule thirteen in the Haus by-laws. Dex had never heard anyone outside of the hockey team say it except for when talking about the hockey team saying it.

Now Chat’s expression mirrored what Dex’s must have looked like: stunned and incredibly confused. “Wait. Do you not know who I am? I’ve been dropping hints for weeks!”

An akuma-made boulder landed just shy of the hero pair, cutting the conversation short.

“Now’s not the time, Chat! Fight now, talk later.”

Except, throughout the battle, Dex’s mind kept straying. The coaches said his partner wasn’t on the hockey team, but they could have been lying. They never told Dex about Carapace or Lomri; they just waited for the moment to arise when they would meet. The coaches didn’t say a word to Dex about Senor Bun either, especially about him being Bitty. They could have lied to Dex.

Chat Noir could be anyone.

Chat Noir couldn’t be anyone. Chat Noir recited poetry at Ladybug and tripped on their own feet and said “Ffffuck the LAX bros.”

Chat Noir could be one person, and Dex was too busy fighting an akuma to think about it.

Then he wasn’t too busy. They fought and won and saved the school, for the time being, and Dex’s earrings beeped at him, signaling the countdown till his transformation dropped.

Chat stood with a softer smile than usual, sweet instead of silly. They held up a closed fist for a fist bump. Dex returned it purely out of habit. “I’ll see you at the Haus?” Chat asked, proving Dex’s horrible suspicion.

He nodded and yo-yoed away, launching himself back into the open window he’d previously propelled himself out of. He dropped his transformation, took off his shoes, let Tikki out of his bag, and faceplanted onto his bed. Chat would have to wait.

When Dex woke up, it was to the smell of food and weight dipping the edge of his bed.

“Dinnertime, Bugaboo,” a familiar voice sang out, just loud enough to be heard over the din from downstairs.

“Fuck off, Chat, I’m sleeping,” Dex grumbled into his pillow, too tired to consider what was going on.

“Come on,” his partner nudged him in the side jostling him. The band of his sports bra was digging a nasty dent into his side and he should probably change out of it soon. “You told me to wake you for dinner. Get up.” They nudged him again, this time almost hard enough to count as a shove.

Dex told Nursey to wake him up. Chat woke him up. Chat was in Nursey and Dex’s room. Chat knew Dex was Ladybug. Chat was Nursey.

Right. That was a thing that happened.

Dex didn’t have the energy for this today. For this specific revelation, though, Dex didn’t think he’d ever have the energy. Too much information to consolidate.

“Five more minutes,” Dex mumbled, trying to buy himself some time to process before he had to face his roommate slash partner slash crush.

Nursey stood, lifting their weight from the bed so it could reshape. “Five minutes. I’ll see if Bitty hid any dessert for you.”

Nursey left.

Awesome.

Dex threw back the covers and got out of bed.

First thing to do: remove bra to let his chest breathe. He took off his shirt, removed the bra, slid his shirt back on, then pulled his Samwell hoodie on top. One task done. Easy.

Task two: Use the bathroom. He went to the bathroom, did his business, went back to his room. Two tasks done. Great.

Next task: process what the fuck was going on with Nursey and Chat.

Bits and pieces of information floated through Dex’s mind. Chat flirted with Ladybug. Chat knew Dex was Ladybug. Nursey was Chat. Dex had a crush on Nursey.

So Nursey was Chat Noir, and they possibly reciprocated Dex’s feelings. These are the conclusions Dex could make from the information given. The first conclusion made sense; they clicked as partners both on and off the ice. The second conclusion didn’t make so much sense.

The door opened and Nursey sauntered in with a plate of freshly baked cookies. Chocolate chip M&M cookies, Dex’s favorite.

“It’s amazing how fast he bakes,” Nursey said, putting the plate down on Dex’s desk next to his dinner plate.

“Must be magic,” Dex joked in a deadpan voice.

Nursey barked out a laugh. “Must be. Now come eat.” They grabbed a cookie from the plate then settled in at their desk.

Dex went to his desk and sat down. He could eat without making things weird. He could manage to make it through a meal without word-vomiting his feelings. He’d been doing that for two years, he could keep doing it.

Two bites in, Dex blurted, “So you’re Chat Noir?”

Nursey dropped their pen and closed their notebook, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like “Finally” before turning to face Dex. Their expression was warm and open and terrifying. “Took you long enough. I thought you knew already, otherwise I wouldn’t have been flirting so hard in costume.”

“What’s the point of flirting with me in-costume when you don’t flirt with me out of costume?” Dex asked, genuinely wondering what the fuck.

Nursey’s eyes widened and oh, Dex must have read something wrong. “Dude, I’ve been flirting with you since the day I met you,” they replied, slowly, words deliberate.

Oh.

“You’ve been flirting with me??” For their first year together on their team, all Nursey did was instigate arguments with Dex. They didn’t even become friends, in Dex’s opinion, till their sophomore year.

“Yeah. What else would you call writing and performing romantic poetry to you?”

“I thought you were just reciting class readings or something. You do that all the time!”

“What the fuck? How can you be so smart but so dumb?”

“Hey!” Dex grabbed a pen from the jar on his desk and threw it at Nursey. It bounced off their chest. He looked down at his chest, hidden by his hoodie, and his hands. “I’m not the kind of person people flirt with.” He was broken, sharp around the edges. Nobody would want him.

Dex’s pen came flying back at him and hit his shoulder before bouncing off. Dex turned to Nursey to glare, but his expression fell when he saw how serious Nursey was.

“You’re an idiot, Poindexter.”

Anger flared up. “I-”

“Nope, I’m not done,” Nursey said, putting up a hand to stop Dex, and Dex had half a mind to bite it like a petulant child. “You’re an idiot, Poindexter, because there is someone here, right in front of you, saying they’ve been flirting with you for almost three years and you never noticed. If it took you that long to figure out that I’m flirting, imagine how many other people you’ve overlooked.”

It made more sense than Dex wanted to admit. Maybe he just never noticed. He didn’t think anyone would want him, so why would he notice if they did? Dex’s self-esteem wasn’t necessarily bad; he just wasn’t a people-person. At all. And that tended to get in the way of forming relationships with people. Most of the time he didn’t even mind since he had the team.

Maybe he was just an idiot.

Derek Nurse was sitting in front of him, saying they’d been flirting forever, and Dex was just staring like an idiot with a mouth full of food. It was a wonder he hadn’t choked yet.

Dex swallowed his food, dropped his fork, and reached a hand out to grab the front of Nursey’s shirt. The fabric was soft in Dex’s calloused hand. “Do I have permission to kiss you?”

Nursey’s lips curled into a grin that Dex was prepared to kiss right off of that gorgeous face. “Yes, you do.”

The kiss tasted of chocolate chip M&M cookies and lasagna. It was kind of gross, but Dex had been wanting this for so long, and apparently so had Nursey, so it didn’t matter. It tasted gross but happy.

Beep.

Dex tore himself away from Nursey to look down at the phone in his hoodie pocket.

“Let me guess. Ffffuck the LAX bros?”

Dex skimmed the akuma alert for confirmation that it was indeed the fault of the worst team on campus.

“Ffffuck the LAX bros.”

Nursey reached out to grab Dex’s hand and interlace their fingers. Their smile made Dex almost not want to punch half the LAX team in the face. “Let’s go, Bugaboo.”

Dex smiled back at Nursey, unsure of where things stood but excited to find out. But for now, he had ass to kick while looking badass in red and black polka dot spandex.

“Tikki, spots on!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dex: So all those times you walked off the ice with an injury and there just happened to be an akuma attack?  
> Nurse: The coaches thought of it.  
> Dex: And the flirting with Ladybug?  
> Nurse: That poem you finished for me as Chat? I wrote that. And since you were the only person I recited it to, Ladybug had to be you to know it.  
> Dex: Why did you recite it to me?  
> Nurse: Because it was for you. They all were.  
> Dex, skeptically: Even the one about the sea monster that ate all the pie?  
> Nurse: Especially the one about the sea monster that ate all the pie.


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wakes up in an ice rink, in a ridiculous red and black costume, with no idea who he is. All the knows is that the weirdo in a cat suit that he's stuck with is probably the most annoying person he's ever met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during Dex's senior year.

He woke up cold. He sat up and opened his eyes, excited to see himself in an ice rink. Looking down, he realized he wore a weird costume. A red and black polka-dotted screwdriver was held loosely in his right hand. Near the hand, a pair of what seemed to be hockey sticks was carved into the ice next to a carving of a cellphone.

“What the fuck?”

His head whipped up. Sitting nearby on the ice was someone in an equally absurd costume, this one sporting cat ears and a tinkling bell. They seemed just as confused as he was.

“Who are you?”

“I…. don’t know? Who’re you?”

He shrugged. He didn’t know, and he was starting to freak out a bit. He took some calming breaths so he could face the problem with a level head.

Or at least he tried to take calming breaths. It was difficult when catsuit wouldn’t shut up.

“Who are we? And what costume party did we come from? Your costume clashes so hard with your red hair.”

“Shut up!” he shouted, dropping his face into his hands. He needed to think. What was going on?

“Chill, man.”

He groaned. He’d only known this person for two minutes and already he knew he hated them.

A high pitched beep sounded from near his ear. He reached a hand up and touched something cool on his earlobe: an earring. That’s where the sound came from.

Only a moment later, catsuits ring made a similar high pitched beep.

“Must’ve gotten our costumes from the same place,” catsuit said with a shrug, as if that explained anything. Which it didn’t.

A pair of blinding glows flashed, pink from him and green from them, then it faded to reveal both of them in plain clothes.

He wore a flannel, tee shirt, and time-faded jeans. He had a backpack slipping off his shoulder. His counterpart was now in a long-sleeved blue shirt that looked soft enough to cost more than his whole outfit, with fancy jeans to match. They had a similar backpack situation.

The fade of the glows also revealed two tiny creatures sitting on the ice, both blinking rapidly. The red one, the one nearest to him, frowned but didn’t seem particularly hostile. The cat looking one, though, seemed pretty pissed.

“Where am I? And who are you?!” it yelled, surprisingly loud for its size.

“What are you?” catsuit yelled back.

“I… don’t know,” the cat thing said, sounding almost distressed.

He shifted his gaze to the red one. “Were you...in my earrings? Who are you? What are you?”

“I don’t know either...But I do know that I’m very hungry.” It frowned down at it’s stomach and rubbed it with it’s tiny paw-type-thing.

He felt bad for the thing, whatever it was. Maybe there was something in his bag….

A crashing sound somewhere in the distance stopped him from checking. He listened closely, focusing on the location of the sound when it came again. And again. And again.

“Something’s trying to break the door down!” He slipped his other arm into his backpack strap to secure it, then grabbed his companions hand to lead them away. It was hard walking on the ice in sneakers. “We need to go!”

“Chill, it’s probably nothing,” they said before face-planting into the ice.

He pulled them up and basically dragged them off the ice, the entire time keeping them from falling again. Once on regular ground, he realized that they were a total klutz; it wasn’t the ice making them slip, they were just a disaster.

“Fucking great,” he mumbled under his breath. They were insufferable and a total klutz, and if he were a worse person he would have left them behind by now. But he couldn’t handle having their death on his conscience, so he continued pulling them along till they got through a door and down a hall to the main entrance.

It was blocked from the outside by a wall of rubble.

If he had more time, maybe he could think of a way to get through despite the blockage, but the thundering of feet approached behind them.

“It’s blocked. We need to find another way out.” He looked around, surveying their options. Another corridor lead away from whatever was after them, and it had a ton of doors. He pulled them that way and ducked into one of the doors.

It was some sort of storage room. Towers of boxes surrounded them in a maze-like structure. It was as good a place as any to hide for the time being. They crouched down in a corner behind a high stack.

“Well, this isn’t ideal,” the posh formerly catsuited person said, stating the obvious.

This person really grated on him. “No shit, asshole.”

“Hey, chill. At least one of us shouldn’t be freaking out.”

“You say that as if I’m not the one who’s been saving your ass this whole time! And stop telling me to chill!”

Their grin told him that he might be about to kill somebody.

As they opened their mouth to sign their death certificate, his bag started to sing. And of all the things it could sing, it was some weird children’s song about sharks. He shuffled through his forgotten backpack and looked at the phone screen. It read CHOWDER. What kind of name was that? But whatever, he answered anyway.

“Hello?”

“Dex!!” the voice shouted, causing him to wince. He dialed down the volume while the voice continued talking. “Where are you? And where’s Nursey? Is Nursey with you?”

“Uh…” Apparently he was Dex. Weird name, but seeing as the person on the phone was named Chowder, he wasn’t about to question it. “Is Nursey the asshole that keeps telling me to chill?”

Nursey raised a judgmentally perfect brow but kept quiet.

“Yes, of course he is! Did you get hit by the akuma? Are you safe?”

Loud footsteps clambered down the corridor.

“We’re in an ice rink with no memory and something seems hellbent on kicking our asses.”

“Call Coach Hall! And if there’s a flying thing following you around, you need to feed it! Love you byeeee!”

The call ended, and Dex wondered who the fuck Coach Hall was. He scrolled through the phone but couldn’t find the name. Instead, he found a contact with an oddly familiar pair of hockey stick emojis.

Dex thought back to when he woke up, the little hockey sticks and phone carved into the ice. He must have left the message for himself before losing his memory. His thumb hovered over the contact.

He thrust the phone into Nursey’s hand. “I’m Dex. You’re Nursey. Call the hockey sticks and talk to Coach Hall.”

Nursey looked at him like he was a lunatic, but they did as told. When they weren’t being an obnoxious asshole, they were a decent partner.

Dex rooted through his bag, past a laptop and pencil case, finding a baggie of slightly smashed cookies at the bottom. He opened it and held a cookie out to the floating red thing, which took it happily.

“Thank you!” it squeaked before taking a large bite.

“Hey, uh, is this Coach Hall?” Nursey spoke into the phone.

Dex could hardly hear the reply. He reached a hand out to grab Nursey’s backpack and pulled it from their shoulder. Ignoring their annoyed whine and flailing smack, Dex rooted through their back. In the front pouch was a handful of cheese sticks.

“This good?” he asked, unwrapping one and handing it to the floating cat.

It sniffed the cheese and made an affronted face but took it anyway. “It’s no camembert, but I guess it’ll do.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Nursey hung up the phone and handed it back to Dex. “Why’d you steal my bag? Not chill.”

“To feed your cat,” Dex said, barely holding back from bludgeoning them with the phone in his hand.

“It’s not my cat! I’m not even sure it is a cat.”

“Shut up and tell me what Coach Hall said.”

Before Nursey had a chance to speak. Footsteps pounded in the hall, this time close. Too close. Whatever was after them, it found them.

Bam! It hit the door, causing the whole room to shake. It was strong; the door wouldn’t last more than a few hits.

He looked at Nursey, who just stared at the door with a decidedly unchill expression. Good, Dex liked seeing them lose their chill. Now wasn’t the time to be smug, though, because they needed to act fast and not get murdered by this thing that very much did not like them.

The boxes in the room were arranged in a small sort-of-maze. If they maneuvered carefully, they could buy a little time wandering through it once the thing came in, making their way back to the door for an escape. Dex and Nursey were pretty big guys, though, so they had to be careful.

Not so easy since Nursey was a walking disaster.

“Get in our bags,” he mumbled to the little creatures. The red one complied easily, and he was surprised when the black one did, too. Apparently it didn’t like the idea of dying, either. “Nursey, you need to shut up and follow me. You trip, you die.”

Nursey nodded instead of meeting Dex with the pushback he’d expected. Nobody here was keen on the idea, which was helpful.

Dex shoved Nursey’s backpack into their hands and they put the backpacks on.

The door smashed open, clanging when it slammed open against the wall.

“Where are you?” it shouted from the doorway. “It’s not very heroic of you to hide like this.”

Dex grabbed Nursey’s hand and dragged him, carefully as to not bump into any boxes, further into the maze of boxes. From their vantage point in the back, he could see a clear path along the wall to the exit.

He waited till the creature was further into the maze, nearly parallel with them, before checking a tall stack of heavy boxes onto it. The boxes crashed down, at the very least creating a small window for them to run. If they were lucky, it knocked it out.

They ran, turning back the way they came. They ran till they reached what seemed to be a locker room, and they hid in there.

Dex dropped down onto a bench to catch his breath.

“That was pretty smart of you, dexy-doo,” Nursey said, ruining Dex’s moment of peace.

Dex hated this guy. Absolutely despised him. “Shut up. What did the coach tell you?”

“Oh, right! He told me how to get our superhero-ness back and to check the Akuma Alert page of the school newspaper website to find out what happened.”

Dex waited but Nursey didn’t continue. “You’re not gonna share that information?” he asked, brow raised. They didn’t have time for Nursey to be facetious.

Nursey shrugged off their backpack and unzipped it. “Come out, little cat dude.” When it came out, Nursey held up their ring-clad hand and shouted, “Plagg, claws out!”

When the green glow surrounding them dimmer, they were in their catsuit once again.

“Rad.”

Dex shook his head, so done. So very done. How did he put up with this person on a presumably regular basis? “What’s the newspaper website?” he asked, pulling out his phone.

“The Swallow. Look at my baton! Apparently it comes with a manual. And internet! Chill.”

The school newspaper website had an Akuma Alert banner across the top, which made it easy for Dex to access the page. From the initial report at the top, a villain with the power of giving people amnesia was on the loose. No surprise there. It blocked itself inside the faber ice rink with superheroes Chat Noir and Ladybug, who were supposedly fighting it.

A high-stakes game of hide and seek was a more accurate description of what they were doing, but they’d have to fight eventually. He just wanted to be prepared. Informed.

He clicked on a video just below the paragraph. It followed the heroes and the villain. Chat Noir and Ladybug ran from it, and when Chat Noir got close to Ladybug, they planted a kiss on his cheek. He didn’t even yell or anything, like Dex expected; he just blushed and got a dopey smile.

“So, that looks a little more than friendly,” Chat Noir says over his shoulder. Dex hadn’t even noticed him come over or hover over his shoulder.

“What the fuck.”

Dex scrolled backwards through videos and pictures, not stopping to actually play any footage, just looking at stills. Most were of them fighting, or fist-bumping at the end of a fight, but some were of Chat Noir kissing Ladybug or Ladybug kissing Chat Noir or Ladybug and Chat Noir kissing each other.

Once again, what the fuck.

Sure, Nursey was objectively hot, but they were insufferable. Unendingly obnoxious. Dex didn’t understand how he could fall in love with him. Because that’s the thing; they looked in love in all of these pictures. They smiled and Ladybug blushed and the way they touched was far too gentle for a battleground.

Dex closed out of the browser on his phone and for the first time noticed the background photo. It was a close up of the two of them, faces smushed together to fit in the frame. Nursey’s lips were pressed against his cheek and he was bright red but smiling.

He locked the phone and shoved it in his bag.

“Let’s get this over with,” he grumbled, standing from the bench and nearly knocking down Chat Noir. Good.

“Why?” Chat asked, angling their body around Dex’s side to look up at him. Smirk, actually. “Wanna beat up the big baddie and go back to kissing this gorgeous face?” They made kissy faces and Dex just couldn’t deal with this.

Nope. Dex was firmly in denial.

He shoved a hand on Chat’s face, smooshing his stupid pretty lips and eyes and nose, and pushing him away.

“Fuck off, Nursey.”

“Ooh, skipping right past the kissing? You could have bought me dinner first.”

Dex was done. The akuma could have Nursey, then maybe Dex could have some peace for the first time since they woke up in this stupid ice rink.

“How do I get my suit back?” he gritted through his teeth, because of course Nursey had all the important information.

“Say Tikki, spots on.”

“Tikki, spots on!” A pink glow surrounded him, and when it faded, he was back in his supersuit and wow did his chest feel so much more comfortable in this. He grabbed the yo-yo clipped on his waist, assuming it was his weapon, though that was kind of a weird weapon. It took some fiddling to get it to open, and some more fiddling to get the users manual.

Footsteps thundered outside. He’d have to read on the move.

For a while, they just avoided the thing. They ran in circles, ducking through side doors and looping hallways while Dex read his yo-yos user manual. Once or twice the akuma came into sight and they were nearly caught, but then it stopped in its tracks and shrieked, smashing its fists against the air as if something was there.

Dex and Nursey didn’t stop long enough to think about it. The fact that the akuma was a faceless silhouette running after them didn’t encourage Dex to go up to it and spark a conversation.

The yo-yo had a special power. That should help them stop running and start fighting.

They turned a corner and ducked into a room. “Lucky charm!” he shouted, throwing the yo-yo up in the air.

A life-size Ladybug cutout landed on top of Dex, nearly knocking him down. He hadn’t expected the lucky charm to be so big.

“What are we supposed to do with that?”

“Shut up and maybe I can figure it out.” Dex mentally mapped the floor plan of the ice rink, or what he could from their wandering. Cardboard cutout meant distraction. A lot of places they passed through were too small (the storage rooms) or too open (the locker room) to be able to place it a decent distance from them.

If they could make it back to the ice, though, that could work. If they could get the akuma onto the ice, he and Nursey would have the entire viewing area. They could lure it in, set up the distraction with the cardboard cutout, then attack. Dex would wrap the villain up in his yo-yo and Chat could cataclysm their possessed item, probably the big chunky thing over their right hand since it was the only thing that stood out about them, and Dex could feed it to his yo-yo.

He explained the plan to his partner, who just nodded along. Finally, some fucking silence.

First they had to lure the akuma onto the ice without it noticing the cardboard cutout. For that, they had to split up.

Dex took the cutout and made his way towards one entrance to the ice, Nursey ran towards the enemy and a further entrance, shouting for its attention. This was fine. They could do this.

“Oof!”

This was not fine. They could not do this.

Nursey was so fucking dead. They tripped on their own feet like an idiot, and Dex could only hear from where he was, but it sounded like he landed dangerously close to the akuma.

He heard it laugh and Nursey yell “Oh fuck!”

Dex tried to run back, dropping the cardboard cutout, but he wouldn’t make it. Nursey pissed him off but he didn’t actually want them to die!

“Bubble!”

As Dex turned the corner, a confusing sight met him. Nursey sat on the ground, scrambling back away from the akuma, which was punching at the air again. Behind them, almost out of sight, was someone else.

Someone wearing an absurd costume.

The top part was baggy like a hooded sweatshirt, but the bottom was tight like Dex and Nursey’s outfits. The outfit was teal and black with orange and white accents. He held a stick with a shark head on top? Was that what it was?

He ran past the akuma, yelling “Burst!” as he passed. Dex couldn’t see anything, but something seemed to hit the akuma. The hero grabbed Nursey and dragged him in the opposite direction of Dex. “Stick with your original plan!” he yelled as they disappeared through a door.

Dex ran, grabbing the cutout and taking it with him into the rink. If he held it horizontally and walked lightly, he could go unnoticed among the seats. As long as Nursey distracted the akuma, he could position the cardboard cutout, duck, shout a bit to get the akuma’s attention, and give Nursey a chance to attack.

That plan went well for all of ten seconds.

Nursey had lured it onto the ice itself, a nice open area so Nursey wouldn’t have to maneuver too much to get a clear shot. They were close enough that, if Dex distracted the akuma for a few seconds, Nursey should have been able to do as planned.

Dex set up the Ladybug cutout and moved a few feet away so he’d be out of the target zone. “Hey, asshole! Come pick on someone smart enough to fight you! Chat’s so stupid he’s not worth the fight!”

He had the akuma’s attention, and Dex could see from where he hid that the akuma raised its hand to shoot. The plan was working!

“Cataclysm!”

Then Chat had to go and shout instead of whispering like a smart person would have, and before he could get close enough to attack, the akuma was pointing their gun-hand at Nursey’s face.

“Nursey!” Dex shouted, already running.

“Bubble!”

He’d forgotten about the other hero. Once again, Dex couldn’t see what he did, but he could see the effects. The akuma shot at Nursey, but instead of landing, it stopped halfway through the air and bounced back.

It knocked the akuma out cold, just like it had Dex and Nursey at the beginning of this hellish adventure.

“Burst!”

The three convened on the ice around the akuma. It didn’t seem to stir, fully unconscious. They had a moment.

Dex’s earrings beeped. He wasn’t paying attention, caught in the moment, but he thought they’d beeped a few times already.

“Who are you?” Nursey asked, kneeling beside the akuma. “Cataclysm!” He activated his power, but his hand hovered over the akuma’s arm, waiting.

“I’m Shāyú, the shark miraculous holder that’s constantly saving your asses!” he said in a chipper tone that Dex nearly recognized. “I’m also Chowder, your best friend, but you won’t remember that after this so it doesn’t matter that I tell you!”

Oh, that’s where he recognized the voice from: the phone call.

“But I need to go now so you don’t see me once you get your memory back. Love you byeeeee!” Shāyú gave Dex and Nursey a quick hug, Nursey’s much more careful since he had an explosion hand, and disappeared off the ice.

“He seems… nice?”

“I like him. He has character, unlike some people.”

“Fuck off, Nursey. Just explode the thing so I don’t have to be around your bullshit anymore.”

“Awww Dexy, you know you love me,” Nursey teased. They did use their cataclysm to release the evil butterfly, though, so Dex could purify it.

Dex caught the butterfly in his yo-yo, purified it, then waited for something to change.

“I think you forgot something.”

“No shit.” He forgot the lucky charm. Dammit. He made his way off the ice and into the seats so he could grab the cutout. He threw it up in the air. “Fuck you, Nursey. Miraculous Ladybug!”

A glow passed over Samwell, and once it settled, Dex had no idea what the fuck was going on.

“Did we defeat the akuma?” Dex asked, walking back out onto the ice to help Nursey up.

“Probably.” Nursey looked around him and saw a random student next to him on the ice, a reusable water bottle clasped in his hands. “Yup. I think I recognize this guy.”

Dex helped Nursey up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Wasn’t he the guy that got his hand stuck in his water bottle at the kegster last night? I think I saw some LAX bros laughing at a video of it this morning.”

“Ffffuck the LAX bros.”

Dex’s earrings beeped again and his transformation fell. “I need to get out of here. Can you take care of him?”

Nursey, still in his Chat Noir outfit, pulled Dex in for a kiss. If anyone was around to see, it would have been a scandal. “Sure. I’ll see you at the dining hall for dinner?”

“Of course.”

“And the Haus for dessert?” they shouted at Dex, who was walking away.

Dex held a middle finger up high in response, and Nursey couldn’t see when he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dex: I bet we fought the whole time.  
> Nurse: Chill, Dex. I bet our love shone through and we got along swimmingly.  
> Dex, choking on his tea: Our what?  
> Nurse, sheepish: Too soon?  
> Dex: Nope. No. That’s….I love you, too. Asshole.  
> Nurse, laughing: Wow, so romantic. Much affection.

**Author's Note:**

> “So, Tikki, you like sweets? You’re gonna love Bitty. I bet he’ll teach me to make cookies or something if I ask nicely.”  
> He does teach Dex, and he's almost offended when Dex gets them perfect the first try.


End file.
